Tryin' to be a Grown Ass Man Despite HATERS

Okay, so I'm a grown ass man. I have a job that pays well enough; it includes health benefits, work parties, holidays off and even a no longer proverbial water cooler. I dress nicely to go in (probably too nicely since I've yet to shake off the nuance of new job smell) and it's all in all a professional atmosphere, except for one thing. The toilet seat in the ladies' bathroom is a lobster claw. Clearly a Maine lobster claw by it's bright red hue. When I garner enough not creepy cred, I'll sneak off to the bathroom with a camera so you can see why this toilet seat is foiling my plans to be a grown ass man.